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    4/20/2007

    关于向左走还是向右走的问题

          喜欢绿色已经不是一天两天的事了,无论心情怎样变化,喜爱的颜色最终都会从粉红色或是黑色回归到绿色,好像并不是因为绿色给人以生机勃勃的感觉才喜欢它,而是因为这种色调总让我觉得十分柔和,柔和得很宁静,柔和得能够使躁动的心情平和下来,有点像在一片竹林中品茶,清风扫过,留下一处竹叶斑驳,香茗绕齿,于口舌间和心底深处,足以回味三日而不知眠... ...

          我这样钟情于绿,是因为我向往这片绿,向往在竹林中品茗的日子,而我为什么向往,是因为我从未得到过这样的日子,从未见到过这样的绿,即使见到了也从未如我所期许的那样--清凉而宁静。所以我一直活在躁动中难以自拔,绿--只能成为我理想中的颜色。

          于是,我每天被向左走还是向右走的问题困扰,思考再三的决定,在兜兜转转之后还是回到最初的地方,原地踏步。讨厌这种在浮世中的挣扎,讨厌每天要面对无数的选择,和无数的选择之后又不能善其果的感觉。身体无恙,心甚乏。我活着,有我认可的快乐方式,自不必计较别人炯异的生活观,他人与我何干?如果可以这样想,我情愿又一次回到原点。正如佛学讲究的是“圆润”与“通融”。

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